Whale Watch
by MangoStarr
Summary: Murdoc has a chat with the whale who watches 2D and learns some interesting things about his singer. 2D and Murdoc One-shot. Warning for typical Murdoc language, but i'm sure that won't bother you. Ya guys probably read hardcore porn anyway. I know i do.


Captain Murdoc Niccals.  
>Yes, he rather enjoyed that name. Cap'n Niccals. Sir Niccals the Cap'n. He could go on forever with the titles. Of course, what else did he have to do, hm? Except drink down entire bottles of rum and dance along to "<em>I wanna marry a lighthouse keeper<em>" or torment the life out of the fuckhead in the downstairs room.  
>It sounded glamorous, sure, if you didn't really live on Plastic Beach yourself. He wakes up every morning wondering how the hell he hasn't died of boredom (Or pirates). All he does is get wasted and jack off to poorly filmed Pornos, even though they glitched up all the time because of the shitty computer's video card or floppy disc or whatever the hell they were called.<br>He's pretty sure they're called Video Cards.  
>But really, the fact that he could debate in his head for hours whether or not this thing was called something else or what the fuck ever proved that he'd really gone down the shithole. Or more literally, driven on a boat to the shithole.<br>Yes, Plastic Beach. An island made entirely of the worlds rubbish, clumped together by the disgusting, gooey gloop of jettisoned tar and oil slick from a fuckload of other mysterious disasters. There were bits and pieces of everything on the island, and sometimes he found some pretty useful stuff just laying around.  
>Like hats.<br>Murdoc sighed, slamming his bottle of rum on the table where his computer sat as he waited for some Porn called 'The Devil wears **N**ada' to download. Sluggishly lifting himself from his chair, he grumbled how his ass hurt from sitting so long and made his way out of the room and to the lift.  
>He made himself pretty well at home on Plastic Beach though, a bunch of his random knick-knacks hung up on the wall, scattered here and there across the place. A squid placed on his desk in the study, his living, breathing pen-ink machine. He pretty much just half-assed everything to see what would and wouldn't work, but the squid idea was a damn good one that he was rather proud of. He tried putting sharks in his fish tank, but they wouldn't fit and were a bit nippy, so he just gathered some fish and a pirhana. He hated the red pirhana though, wouldn't shut the fuck up. All he wants is "Spam, spam! I'd love me some of that Spam!" and he was ready to fry it up and eat it for christ's sake.<br>Murdoc went out of his way to get to the study, simply to walk over and poke the squid in the eye before making his way outside. It was like a ritual now, he did it without even thinking. Even if he had to get floors down, he must always stop to poke the squid before going to his destination. It gave him some sort of structure in his lazy, unpredictable life on the island. Kept him just a smidgen calmer.  
>He stepped outside slowly, looking out at the sparkling, dark blue ocean as he leaned backward to stretch. He let out a grunt of satisfaction when he heard a few loud cracks and then continued out to the land, dodging any debris or sharp pointy things sticking out of the sand as he looked out at the ocean. The whale should be there soon.<br>They had made a deal, Murdoc and the whale- if she had to watch 2D night and day, then she _would_ be fed. She was kind in the waters, she'd bragged. Didn't do many things harm, just stuck around with the plankton and little animals who she could kill easily and quickly so they wouldn't feel a thing. The whales, she said, were like the grandmas of the ocean.  
>Try convincing that one to 2D.<br>Right as Murdoc came back with a bucket of fish he saw a large dark shadow coming his direction, and he smiled.  
>"Right on time," He grumbled and walked in as far as he could to his content. The whale swam up to him slowly, eyeing the bucket as she knew it was her food.<br>"Heey baby, got mah food i see." She said in a thick, southern accent. Kinda like, ghetto-girl meets Paula Deen kind of an accent. For some reason this both annoyed the piss out of and satisfied Murdoc. It kind of rolled off the tongue nice, but at the same time, some of the slang was just... for fuck's sake, ridiculous.  
>"Yeh yeh, i got it," Murdoc muttered, sticking his arm in the bucket. He pulled out a half-dead squid and flung it in the whales direction, where she sucessfuly caught it in her mouth.<br>"What's wrong, ya seem kinda down, baby doll," The whale pondered aloud, "We can share this bucket if ya want, i'm just a whale, i will not snap at ya darlin,"  
>Murdoc rolled his eyes at her excessive pet names.<br>"Really hunny, you are a nothin but a bunch of bones in a green bag, lets get some meat on those bones, baby,"  
>He glared at her, "I'm fucking fine! I've got Rum, Internet Porn, and a various assortment of hats,"<br>"Well isn't that just excitin'," The whale said sarcatically, giving him a 'oh really' kind of look, "What about my baby 2D down in the underwater room? He's gettin' lonely, you should add him to that very excitin' list of yours,"  
>Murdoc threw another fish at her, "He's not <em>your<em> baby,"  
>"Well he's apparently no one elses', why can't i claim him?"<br>"Hm, let's see. For one, he's scared to shit of you and the rest of the whale, sea animal, whatever-the-fuck family," Murdoc yelled at her, digging through the bucket. The whale looked a bit offended, then drew back a little, "Oh dear me, perhaps i shouldn't have pressed my eye so close to the window... or hit the walls... or anything i've done so far, really..."  
>Murdoc looked at her incredulously, "You started hitting the walls? Are you TRYING to give my singer a fucking heart attack?"<br>The whale shook its head in disagreement, "Well seein' as how i couldn't get my fins in there to pet him, that was the next-best thang!"  
>"...I should go check to see if he's dead in there," Murdoc mumbled.<br>"Oh dear, i hope not! Well, it would've happened eventually, even without me..." The whale said sadly, shaking it's head. Murdoc gave it a weird look.  
>"What the fuck do you mean by that?"<br>"Oh, well..." The whale started, catching another fish and swallowing it whole, "I have seen you beat him, darlin'. It's not a very pretty thang, and i can't just stop you! Your going to kill the poor thang,"  
>Murdoc felt his chest get uncomfortably heavy at those words. Did he really beat him so bad? He never payed attention...<br>"Shaddup, what do you know, your a fucking sea grandma." Murdoc growled, that feeling of guilt and surprise never leaving him.  
>"Your lucky though, hunny. You've got a keeper," She continued, winking. Murdoc didn't know whales could wink.<br>"A keeper, eh?" He repeated aloud, setting down the bucket so he could run a hand through his hair.  
>"Well, don't ya think i'd know? I watch him day in and day out,"<br>Murdoc just looked at her, wondering what kinds of things he did while being locked in that room all day. He then smiled mischeviously, washing a hand in the waters around him.  
>"What kind of things have ya found out about the idiot?" He asked, laughing a little to himself. The whale dunk it's head under the water for a moment then came back up, probably because of the hot-ass weather.<br>"Well, there are a few thangs that should not be mentioned, dear," She started, causing Murdoc to chuckle slightly, "But he draws a lot of pictures. Like you being eaten by a pack of whales, for example,"  
>Murdoc should've laughed at that, but didn't find it very funny. With 2D's extreme hate for whales, that was a rather vicious insult right there. Did he really hate him that much?<br>"But then of course he cries afterwards and puts bandaids all over the picture, which i'm not quite sure how that would help..."  
>Now this made Murdoc laugh. He shook his head, wondering why he hadn't asked her this earlier, and urged her to go on.<br>"Hm, let me see. He usually starts off the day writing in his journal, and good thing his handwriting is rather big because then i can actually look and read. It's always about you honey, and he wishes you'd stop hurting him. Then sometimes he writes about how he dreams too much about Kong Studios, but is glad he's here alone with you. He's a rather confused fella', let me tell ya. One minute he's sad and the next he's ...er, well, drawing pictures of you, yes let's go with that."  
>Murdoc had to have her stop for a moment for all the information to soak in, then he looked up at her,<br>"What do you mean 'yes, lets go with that'?" He asked curiously. The whale seemed to blush, which Murdoc never thought was possible either, and then she fidgeted around in the water for a moment.  
>"Well honey, he's very good at drawing you, probably because he's gotten so much practice, but you seem to always be in the nude."<br>Murdoc about choked on his laughter, not expecting that.  
>"Are you fooking shittin' me?" He exclaimed, shaking his head with his hand on his face. He waved his other hand at her, "Okay okay, go on."<br>The whale sighed, "Baby doll, he is just downright depressed. A bit manic, too. He wishes things were back to normal, and misses you all the time," She swam up a bit closer, "And if i wasn't mistaken, honey, i'd say he's smitten by you,"  
>Murdoc blinked at her, "Really?"<br>"Oh honey, you haven't gotten the slightest idea! Not even smitten, darlin, in love. He's in love," The whale shook its head, "One time he was cowerin' in fear because well, my eye might've gotten a bit close to the window. He was cryin' for a moment there, and then popped his little darlin head up and knocked on the wall. I was surprised, it was so sudden, and i asked 'Well, just what is it baby doll?'. He was scared at first, but said, 'I 'ono if i'ss juss my imagination, bu' i juss heard you talk. I know Mudz is payin' ya to watch me, bu' can you tell him i don't need you? 'M not leavin, an' there's nothin' anyone can do to make me leave. If he juss asked i'd come with him to this island, he din't need to gas me. I'll stick with him forever'. Baby doll, it was just the kindest thang! He sounded sincere, honey, really did~"  
>He pondered those words, that feeling in his chest again.<br>"You're lyin'." Murdoc muttered, but the whale insisted she wasn't. He then mumbled something incomprehensible under his breath and scratched the back of his head.  
>"If it ain't too much to ask, i'd love me another fish, baby,"<br>Murdoc didn't aknowledge her but threw her another one, still staring at his reflection in the waters. He was disgusting, he thought. Here 2D was, taking all those hits and insults, but all along he was willing to stay by his side. No matter what, 2D wasn't leaving without a fight.  
>He was too much like his dad.<br>"Err, what's your name?" Murdoc asked aloud, realizing the whale was starting to leave. She stopped and turned around, looking at him with a solemn expression on her face.  
>"Mah names Paula, baby doll," She said. Murdoc half-laughed, realizing how funny that was considering she was pretty much a carbon copy of Paula Deen. When he looked up she was gone, probably back down to continue watching the dullard. He hung out in the waters for a few more minutes and then slowly turned back around toward the island, thinking over that conversation again and again. He didn't want to believe any of it, but at the same time he hoped she was telling the truth.<br>As usual, he poked the squid in the eye before getting into the lift. His finger hovered over the button labeled 'Master suite' but he ended up pressing the button that would lead him to 2D's room. Shaking his head, he muttered about how he couldn't believe what he was about to do.  
>He hesitated but walked into the idiot's room, standing in the doorway for a moment as he looked at him, working away on his Sudoku. The poor guy thought he was some sort of genious when it came to that puzzle, but he didn't do it right at all. He wasn't about to crush his feelings and tell him though, so he let him think it was his hidden talent or some shit. There wasn't much for him to live for, anyway.<br>"Dullard," Murdoc started, walking toward him. 2D looked up quickly.  
>"S-sorry, i di'nt see ya there, Mudz," He stuttered, setting aside his puzzle and looking at him. Murdoc wasn't sure if it was always there and he missed it, but there was a distinct look of admiration and love in his eyes as he looked at him. He wondered how he never noticed, and immediately felt stupid, but shrugged it off.<br>"I... err... Hi." He muttered, looking around awkwardly. 2D could sense the tension in the room and bit his lip, nodding.  
>"The thing is...i..." He stopped.<br>"Y-yeah?"  
>Murdoc swallowed hard and then pointed at the puzzle next to him, "I wish i could... finish Sudoku... as fast as you can."<br>2D gave him a weird look and then smiled as though he wasn't going to ask, "Fanks, Mudz!"  
>Murdoc just nodded, running a hand through his hair nervously.<br>"Well, er.. i'll just... leave you at that, i s'pose." He mumbled and quickly stood up, nodding down at him and then heading toward the door.  
>Damnit you idiot, damnit. Why couldn't you just say it, huh? Why do you have to be so fucking stupid?<br>He heard a sniffle and then sighed, putting his hand on the doorframe.  
>"2D, now i'm going to tell you something. You are not to tell a fucking soul about it, and you are not going to say anything back, you hear? I will beat you bloody sensless, so just fucking listen okay?" Wow, way to be romantic there, buddy, Murdoc thought to himself. He turned around to see 2D trembling, obvious fear in his voice as he obliged.<br>"You..." He started, biting his lip and looking at the cieling. 2D waited anxiously.  
>"I just... ah, sod it," Murdoc grumbled and walked over, grabbing his collar. He yanked him up off the bed, causing 2D to shake in fear, but he crashed his lips into the singer's slightly parted ones. It took a moment for 2D to react, for him to realize what the hell just happened before Murdoc pulled back.<br>"What the hell, you're not going to kiss me back?" Murdoc grumbled, obviously dissapointed. 2D blinked at him and brushed his lips against Murdoc's now, after he decided this is what he wanted. The bassist sighed into the kiss, relieved he was actually reacting this time and held his body against his own. 2D felt as though he was releasing all of the emotions he'd bottled up for the past few years into the kiss, giving him a sense of relief and stability. Something he hasn't felt since the Kong days, and it caused him to become a little teary eyed.  
>Murdoc was the first to pull back and he chuckled at the singer, noticing his tears and wiping them away gently.<br>"What the hell are you crying about?" Such mean words, but somehow they sounded gentle and loving.  
>"I... didn't expect this..." 2D murmured, looking down so his tears wouldn't show. Murdoc rolled his eyes, not sure whether to think it was cute or annoying. He supposed, for the sake of the moment, that it was cute.<br>He pressed the pad of his thumb against 2D's chin and lifted up his head, smiling a little.  
>"Well get used to it," He said, kissing him on the mouth again then trailing down to his neck. 2D gasped, clutching his white turtleneck tightly at such intimacy. He hadn't made out with someone in a long time, and the fact that it was Murdoc Niccals, the man whom he'd been inlove with since day one, it made him just a bit...aroused.<br>"Oh, hey baby! You get your man, thas right, you get him!" Murdoc twitched, turning his head to the window. There Paula was, watching and cheering them on. He sighed, shaking his head. 2D just stared in horror, clutching against Murdoc in absolute fear.  
>"Way to go Paula! Ruin the fucking moment, that's nice, luv."<br>"IT-IT-IT-WHALE-BIG FISH-" 2D stuttered, stepping back in fear. Murdoc grumbled to himself and hit the wall before shutting the curtains, looking back at his newly-claimed lover. Yeah, he supposed they were lovers now.  
>"Calm down dents,"Murdoc grumbled, grabbing his hand and dragging him to the lift. He couldn't shake off his fear of the whale, so Murdoc tried to kiss him out of it-he supposed it worked fairly well.<br>"Now," Murdoc started, moving hair out of his eyes, "We're going to go to my room, and when we get there you are to immediately take off your clothes and get in my bed, you hear me?" He demanded, pointing a finger at his face. 2D blushed, nodding quickly at his wishes.  
>There we go, Murdoc thought. Just because they're lovers now, it didn't mean he had to give up his right to being in charge.<br>2D giggled, draping his arms around Murdoc. He ran his hands down 2D's sides and then slid them up his shirt, nibbling at his earlobe.  
>"There's only one exception," Murdoc whispered hotly in his ear, causing 2D to tremble.<br>"Y-yes?"  
>Murdoc pulled back, grinning at the singer, "You have to call me Sir Captain Niccals from now on."<p>

* * *

><p><strong>I hope that wasn't lame. LMFAO. <strong>  
><strong>I just had this idea of Murdoc talking to the whale, and the whale has gotta know some shit on 2D since she's watching him 247. So i figured why the hell not, and this is my first one-shot of Murdoc and 2D.  
>And i got done watching Paula Deen on the today show, and i absolutely adore her (LMFAO DONT JUDGE ME) so i totally made based the whale off of Paula.<strong>

**But, In case you thought this sucked, since it IS my first actual oneshot, you should check on my chapter story "In the Morning" if ya haven't already. You might like that better... if you didn't like this... XD**  
><strong>Anyway, i hope it didn't suck, and thank you if you leave a review. That would absolutely make my day.<strong>


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